I Have Always Got A Pun In The Oven

*secretly dreams of being disc jockey from Central Europe named Czech's Mix*

New Yorkers really love sandwiches; there’s a Subway on practically every corner! #EatFresh

Thyme flies when you’re having a food fight in Ina Garten’s kitchen.

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could…Tomorrow is a nude day."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a dam."

-Lovers’ quarrel between beavers

For all intensive porpoises…

*buoys boat shoes on sail*

"Grammatically speaking, it really should be myPhone, Steve."

-Steve Jobs’ not famous English professor

"Omelette you finish."
*flips table*

-Kanye at Sunday brunch

"🎶Give Peas a Chance🎶"

-John Lennon spoon feeding a violently picky infant

My watchdog has ticks.

The first date is always bizarre because it’s like “what an awkwardly oblong, fleshy fruit this is.”

I knew he was the Juan for me when the online Dominos Tacker indicated he was assembling my pineapple pizza.

Pitch Perfect is NOT an instructional camping video.

A Cairopractor cracks backs in Egypt.

Even the moon waxes its curvaceous celestial body regularly.