I Have Always Got A Pun In The Oven

*secretly dreams of being disc jockey from Central Europe named Czech's Mix*

For all intensive porpoises…

*buoys boat shoes on sail*

"Grammatically speaking, it really should be myPhone, Steve."

-Steve Jobs’ not famous English professor

"Omelette you finish."
*flips table*

-Kanye at Sunday brunch

"🎶Give Peas a Chance🎶"

-John Lennon spoon feeding a violently picky infant

My watchdog has ticks.

The first date is always bizarre because it’s like “what an awkwardly oblong, fleshy fruit this is.”

I knew he was the Juan for me when the online Dominos Tacker indicated he was assembling my pineapple pizza.

Pitch Perfect is NOT an instructional camping video.

A Cairopractor cracks backs in Egypt.

Even the moon waxes its curvaceous celestial body regularly.

I’m so clumsy, falling asleep ought to be easier.

I got the gentleman’s Hepatitis B- in my Sub-Saharan Africa course.

Adult Fetus Pajamas

-Combines the pragmatic durability of an adult onesie with the comfort & whimsy of a polar fleece uterus
-Features USB cable umbilical cord & free ebook download of Hemingway’s “For Womb the Bell Tolls”
-Dry clean only

Days like this, I just want to move to Honolulu, finally open my surf school for toddlers “Baby on Board.”