I knew he was the Juan for me when the online Dominos Tacker indicated he was assembling my pineapple pizza.
Pitch Perfect is NOT an instructional camping video.
A Cairopractor cracks backs in Egypt.
Even the moon waxes its curvaceous celestial body regularly.
I’m so clumsy, falling asleep ought to be easier.
I got the gentleman’s Hepatitis B- in my Sub-Saharan Africa course.
Adult Fetus Pajamas
-Combines the pragmatic durability of an adult onesie with the comfort & whimsy of a polar fleece uterus
-Features USB cable umbilical cord & free ebook download of Hemingway’s “For Womb the Bell Tolls”
-Dry clean only
Days like this, I just want to move to Honolulu, finally open my surf school for toddlers “Baby on Board.”
*man beats a dead horse while muttering, “mumbo-jumbo”*
Oh, don’t mind him, that’s just the village idiom.
I am an old sole in that I tend to promote debilitating stomach cramps.
I’m hosting a party for time travelers.
It happened yesterday.
Hope to see you there!
A René Margarita is when you drink tequila & triple sec out of a bowler hat hovering just above your decapitated body riding a tandem bicycle with a giant trout.
Sidewalk chalk is four squares.
*binge eats Gorgetown Cupcakes until pastel fancy-pants rupture*
Fung shui is the strategic positioning of Nate Ruess, Andrew Dost, & Jack Antonoff around a room to optimize auspiciousness.